April 19th, 2009 | 
Author: Perfume Guide
What do think of this Lyrics?
10 feet away from me
lays the one who’s not meant for me
praying God to guide her way
to a worm arms of an other
a beauty so bright to see
when you standing next to me
all i ever want to be
a man can carry you all the way
Eyes sparkles like the sunshine
stealing my heartbeats away
touch of healing rage fires
torch of restless & burning desire
breath of an angel with sympathy
Breeze of lightning with empathy
a perfume of rosy charming spirit
will give this lungs a burst for minute
even when calling your whispers is a sin
it’s heaven just to feel your scene
10 verses to hether to say
keep me a place in your memory
What do u think i should change
this is for my classmate who rejected me because she is with someone else
i am planning on giving her this poem on the last day .
“…guide her way
to a worm arms of an other”
That part doesn’t really make sense
“a beauty so bright to see
when you standing next to me
all i ever want to be
a man can carry you all the way”
You should switch those two.
I’m sorry to say this kind of sucks. (In my opinion)
Why?
1. Doesn’t make sense
2. Trying to hard to rhyme (so it seems)
3. You need a better rhyme scheme
4. All the lines should flow together so that way it CAN make sense otherwise it’s just a whole bunch of words put together.
5. When you say that “10 feet away from me lays the one who’s not meant for me, praying God to guide her way to a worm arms of an other” and at the end “10 verses to hether to say, keep me a place in your memory” if the person is not meant for you are you saying you don’t deserve that person or the person does not deserve you? if you don’t deserve s/he why would you want him or her to keep you in their memory?
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